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VIRTUAL SEX

Keeping In Touch During COVID-19

Most of us prefer sex with dim to no lighting for the same reason that we kiss with our eyes closed. Self-awareness hinders physical pleasure, and it’s easier to feel good without the burden of looking good. It is why pornstars exude confidence absent even in the average celebrity. Because who else can feel that comfortable broadcasted, in the origami of positions and motions, naked?

Now that condoms no longer absolve us from the health risks associated with a one-night-stand, the same bravery of adult film stars is demanded to virtually experience new lovers. Covid-19 only expedited a society that already depended on technology to function, like oxygen and water. When the online chat website Chatroulette launched back in 2009, it highlighted the human fascination with meeting strangers online, and, perhaps unintendedly, the sexual pleasure of watching or being watched getting off. When a survey carried out by RJMetrics discovered that one in eight spins on Chatroulette yielded “R-rated” content, many lost the defense of naivety or ignorance for continued use.

 

TRIED UNDERWEAR DATING VIRTUALLY?

An on-going pandemic’s romantic ripple effect created a new market for virtual sex: all the gray between anonymous and a committed long-distance relationship. But how do you approach touching yourself online in front of someone you hardly know, especially when this person knows too much about you? (Phone number, social media, job, etc.) It would help if you confronted what you’re willing to reveal and understand that it takes less skill for a person to crop themselves out of a screenshot than a non-consensual video. In 2020, leaked nudes will probably not get you fired or derail future employment opportunities, but if you’re emotionally distraught by the idea, then keep the camera zoomed in on the entertaining areas.

 

TRIED LINGERIE DATING VIRTUALLY?

Anyone who engages in public speaking will agree that first-timers’ nerves never kick in until there’s an audience. Likewise, the pressure intensifies because it’s not just getting comfortable with someone else watching but also dealing with your masturbation and nakedness reflected on a screen. There is such an overwhelming delicacy to being in front of a camera, abrupt insecurity, that it’s an obstacle to feel relaxed, nonetheless, experience an orgasm. Practice makes perfect. Models don’t just seamlessly have a portfolio of facial expressions and arm placement knowledge that doesn’t look awkward. Like they do with the mirror, experiment with yourself on video before involving someone else. Don’t forget some liquid courage.

Once you’re feeling sophisticated enough (and properly groomed!), invest time in the backdrop. God forbid a picture of Nana is in the background peeping, or the mess in your apartment makes them thankful for distance. Illustrate the setting that you desire for a regular date, including initial interactions. No one likes to be greeted by a flaccid penis. Get creatively romantic, perhaps, suggesting a virtual bath together or playing a virtual stripping game. There’s no need to rush it, mainly because the physical activity is limited. Forming an interpersonal connection will enhance the experience and empower the range of activities. After all, this isn’t an online glory hole.

 

TAKE A BUBBLE BATH TOGETHER VIRTUALLY

In a time where phone calls are obsolete, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to brush up on those public speaking skills too. If you’ve never talked dirty before, it’s essentially fetishizing what you see, and describing all the action you’ve witnessed in porn. Without the luxury of touch, communicating a sexy narrative, and learning to verbalize desires will turn you into a virtual sexpert. Sex is no longer bound to your stamina and strength. You’re free from the fiddly dance of two foreign bodies becoming acquainted with one another. Every limb and movement fit together like a puzzle just because you say so. What do you want to feel? What do you imagine they feel like? How would you two mesh? Adjectives are the lubricant. Sex is as much an intimate act as it is physical and you’re setting the foundation to satisfy both your physical and emotional needs. If your partner merely wanted to witness someone go to town on themselves, well, Pornhub is the Grubhub for online sex.

The internet and new technologies gifted us with the ability to keep in touch like never before. But there’s no app to replace human affection and there’s no secret that extinguishes the nerves caused by first time sex with someone. Embrace the butterflies and indulge in the bliss that you can escape with a click, unlike the worst of one-night-stands.

Author: Jaime Valentino

Colombian-born columnist Jamie Valentino is a freelance writer, storyteller, and interviewer based wherever the next opportunity takes him. He authors the biweekly advice column Sexpert in PROVOKR and you can read his words in VICE, Google Arts & Culture, W42ST Magazine, Faddy Magazine, LUXE Magazine, The Queer Review, and more. Previously, he served as the Editor-at-large of POP Style TV, managed the digital marketing nationwide for Shark Tank’s Paparazzi Proposals, and worked in operations for Burberry
For questions or advice from the author contact: jamievalentino@provokr.com or visit: PROVKR

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